One very common reason that parents give to save their marriage is that they are doing it for the sake of their children. They want their child to be raised in a complete home. These parents believe that if even one of them is not around, the child will not receive sufficient love, which may lead to problems when they become adults. However, saving a marriage for the children’s sake is no longer considered by marriage experts to be a viable option.
Know the Common Mistakes When Rescuing Marriage
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Many troubled couples harbor the wrong notion that their children are not aware of any problems in their relationship. Nothing can be further from the truth. Kids are very perceptive of any changes in their parents’ attitudes and actions toward each other. If they see their parents fighting all the time, they tend to be anxious and frightened. Some would distance themselves from their Moms and Dads. Others would actively rebel against their parents.
The children are placed in a very difficult situation. While they both love their Moms and Dads equally, more often than not, they are forced to choose one over the other. This causes feelings of resentment to arise in the other parent, which is unfortunately directed toward the children. Some kids even end up becoming pawns in their parents’ struggles.
As time passes, the children will come to realize that love no longer exists between their parents. If they see them unhappy with each other, the more likely that they would want to see their Moms and Dads go their separate ways. But when their parents choose to stick it out without resolving anything between them, the kids would want to get out of such a suffocating situation. Sadly, there are greater incidences of kids from troubled homes doing drugs, alcohol and early sexual relations compared to those who are living with single, divorced parents. The reasons why these kids go into such behaviors is because these activities help to relieve them of the stress of their home life or they do them as a sign of rebellion toward their parents or they just simply want to get attention from both of them.
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Let me give a concrete example. A friend came from a very troubled home wherein the parents stuck together for her sake, and yet did nothing to fix the problems in their marriage. Her father was a womanizer while her mother was a nagger. Although my friend tried to intervene in their relationship, she ended up getting blamed. She confessed to me, “My parents always said ‘We’re only together for your sake!’ It got to the point that I demanded that they get a divorce. But they never did.” Needless to say, she had to endure so many heartbreaks because of her parents’ troubled marriage.
If you are in a troubled marriage and are thinking twice about breaking up because of your children, you should take a long moment to just stop and reflect. The children should never be used as an excuse to save a marriage. If you want to save your marriage, do so if you and your spouse still love each other, but never do it for your children. You will only be causing your kids a lot of pain and heartbreak in the future.
