Practically every article that you will read in both print media and on the Internet will tell you that the best way to save your marriage is through effective communication. However, you are probably wondering “What is ‘effective’ communication?” to begin with.
You might even say that “My husband/wife and I are still on speaking terms.” True, you and your spouse may still be talking to each other. But, are your talks productive so that you are able to solve the problems in your marriage?
What is Effective Communication?
Let us take a closer look on just what effective communication is.
Cool Your Head
Arguably, the foundation to effectively communicate with your spouse to save your marriage is by maintaining a cool, calm demeanor. This simply means that when you talk to your husband or your wife, you DO NOT lose your temper.
When you are irritated or angry with your spouse, your emotions have a tendency to run away with rational thought. If you want to communicate, never do so when your blood is boiling. Give yourself an hour or two to calm down.
You can sit down and meditate for a bit. Or you can take breathing exercises. What is most important is that you have cooled down so that you can discuss things in a calm manner.
Never Talk In Front of the Children
There are couples who believe that marital problems are a family issue. Therefore, the children need to join them in the discussion.
However, absolutely no good will come out with involving your kids in your marital woes. Not only will you expose them to the harsh realities of your marital woes, you may even traumatize them to the point that they would be reluctant to get married as adults.
Worse, your kids may even find themselves in a tug-of-war, with you and your spouse demanding your children to take sides. Whatever problems you have are between the two of you alone. Leave your kids out of your talks.
Discuss Your Problems in a Quiet, Neutral Place
Your environment can aid in making discussions on marital problems smoother. You and your spouse can choose to go to your favorite spot, such as a quiet place in the park or walking along the beach.
It is not advisable to have discussions in crowded places like restaurants, especially if you want to avoid a scene. A place of solitude will give you the peace of soul and mind so that you can be able to talk about your problems objectively.
Take Turns Airing your Side
Let us say that you and your spouse are at last ready to talk. Being the gentleman, the husband should always let his wife speak first. Listen to everything that your wife has to say, even if it is hurtful.
Try to analyze what she is saying to you, and see if there is any truth to her words. When it is the husband’s turn to speak, the wife should also listen to what he has to say in an analytical manner.
You will probably be surprised to learn that not one spouse should shoulder the blame on a marital problem. In fact, majority of marital woes result from faults from both sides.
Always Be Respectful
The reason why most attempts at communication fail is because husbands and wives have become so angry and frustrated that they could no longer show any respect to the other.
This can be in the form of rude interruptions when one spouse says something that is particularly respectful. In worse cases, some couples ultimately succumb to name calling.
Rather than give in to the heat of your emotions, be honest and tell them “What I have to say to you may hurt, but please understand that I have to get all these things out in the open because I love you and I want to save our marriage.”
By keeping such a respectful attitude throughout communication, the more you will be open to finding solutions to your problems.
Seek Solutions and Compromises, and Act on Them
Once you have aired out your grievances, the two of you should ask one particular question – “What do we do next?” Examine the current standing of your relationship.
Offer possible solutions. If the problems result from bad habits and behaviors, make the sincere promise to change. But, since change does not occur immediately, work out reasonable compromises, such as one spouse will remind the other if he or she lapses back into old habits.
What is most important is that any solutions that you intend to make, they should be followed through with sincere action.
Learn more useful tips on effective communication to save a marriage today!