This is a scenario that has become very common in relationships and marriages. Because of problems with their spouse, men and women find themselves getting close with a coworker at work.
Whether they realize it or not, they have become romantically and/or emotionally attached to the other person, even if this attachment does not lead to or include sex.
Worse, they begin to exhibit suspicious behaviors which their spouse can misconstrue as a full blown illicit sexual affair.
Emotional affairs such as the one described above tend to be more damaging than full blown affairs. Of course, there is the feeling of betrayal in the partner who feels he/she has been cheated on.
But the person who has entered an emotional affair is just as damaged because they have formed such a strong bond with the object of their fascination, so that not only are they unwilling to break it off, they don’t believe that they are in an affair at all.
Why Men Have Emotional Affairs (And Women Too!)
Here are the reasons that relationship and marriage experts cite as to why people get into emotional affairs…
- Lack of attention, affection, and sexual satisfaction in the primary relationship
- Imbalance between family and worklife
- Persistent communication problems between the couple in the primary relationship
- Inability to differentiate between a friendship and a developing romantic/emotional relationship
- Confusion and denial in the cheating spouse leading to their refusal to acknowledge that they are in an emotional affair
- Influence of media, such as novels, movies, TV shows, etc.
Signs of An Emotional Affair
You may suspect if your spouse is in an emotional affair if they exhibit the following behaviors…
- Frequent texting or email exchanges between the spouse and their coworker/associate
- Always talking about the other individual, even with their spouse. Some go so far as to compare this person with their spouse to emphasize the latter’s faults.
- Your partner is more excited to go to work and does more overtime. You may even observe that he/she is spending more time grooming himself/herself to make themselves look appealing to the object of their fascination.
- Your spouse is being secretive. He/she may start taking phone calls in your room or any place that is out of your hearing range.
- The cheating spouse starts detaching himself/herself from their partner. More often than not, they even begin sexually fantasizing about the other person.
Getting Over An Emotional Affair
Recovering from an emotional affair is a two sided business, with both spouses needing to work on their respective shortcomings, preferably with the help of a marriage counselor.
One effective way that spouses can deal with their ill feelings is by putting their emotions into writing by keeping a private journal.
- For the cheating spouse… Completely detach yourself from the person you are pining for/obsessed with.
- Channel your obsessive energies into a healthy pursuit, such as a new, engrossing hobby or doing acts of charity
- Loneliness may cause you to see unhealthy companionship. Instead, surround yourself with supportive family and friends.
- Give yourself time to grieve over the emotional relationship you had lost and move on.
For the spouse who had been cheated on…
- Do not place complete blame on your partner. Make the effort to discover your own faults and work on changing.
- Learn to forgive your partner.
- Begin wooing your spouse again. Remember how you had won his/her heart when you had been unmarried.
- Help your spouse channel his/her frustrations into activities that the both of you will enjoy together.
Now to You
Do you know of other reasons why men (or women) are having emotional affairs? What are the other signs and what are you suggestion in getting over emotional affairs?
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