Practically in every article on how to fix marriage problems, first and foremost that experts write about is that couple should work on their communication.
Indeed, if you take a closer look at every marriage problem that has occurred, at the root of it is the inability of one or both partners to express their opinions and emotions properly, which not only result in hurt feelings but also a strong desire to separate.
If your marriage is on the rocks, you need to work on your communication immediately. Here are some tips to help fix your communication issues…
- Start by establishing communication rules in your marriage. You can begin to set up rules by asking each other about what to expect when you communicate
(Ex. Preference of tact, no beating around the bush, avoidance of trigger words, etc.). Basically, this entails learning how to show respect for one another.
- Don’t let smartphones, computers and other high tech gadgets get in the way of communication. For at least one evening every week, throw away the tech and just sit down and have a nice quiet chat.
- Don’t try to guess what your spouse is thinking or feeling. Many problems occur because one spouse is anticipating how the other would react.
- If you’re angry with your spouse for one reason for another, learn to control your emotions. Don’t explode like a volcano. If you’re particularly steamed, first count to ten slowly to get a hold of your feelings.
As you are doing this, examine how you are feeling and see if an exaggerated response will indeed help you get your point across. If you’re the type of person who wants to let it all out in one blow, you might want to consider taking anger management classes.
- Time your discussions of marital problems. Don’t just barge into your partner’s personal space and declare “We need to talk.” Instead, approach them quietly and ask if it is a good time to talk with him or her. If the other replies that it wasn’t a good time, then ask when you can possibly talk.
On the other hand, the spouse who asks for another time to talk should make good on his/her promise to discuss things on the later time that he/she put forth.
- Don’t mistake complaining for negotiating. Speak what you want to say without laying blame. If things get heated, don’t start throwing in previous grievances so that the real issue of the discussion gets lost in the angry exchange.
- Don’t just dismiss your spouse’s attempts to communicate with you. He/she is trying his/her best to fix your marriage.
- A relationship doesn’t mean that you need to take care of your spouse 24/7. Most of the time, you need to better handle your emotions than that of your partner. Learn to deal with your feelings first before you even attempt to deal with your spouse’s.
- Don’t be overly critical. For every negative comment that is thrown at you, give more positive feedback.
- Don’t let ill feelings fester for so long. Learn to forgive and to compromise.
I sure hope that these points help you in improving communication with your spouse in order to save your relationship.
If you have any questions and further information, reach out to me!